Three Pathways of Comfort When You Are Grieving
“Grandpa died,” my mom said when her phone call from Grandma ended. I was a sophomore in high school. After retiring from his career as an assembler of wood-paneled station wagons at the Ford Motor Company, my mom’s father spent every morning working in his garden. One day in May, after returning to the house and eating a small lunch, he lay down for a nap. An hour later, Grandma couldn’t wake him. Her husband of fifty-nine years had suffered a massive heart attack. The news hit me hard. Since my father’s dad died when I was only three years old, I have no memory of him. But my mom’s dad made priceless memories throughout my childhood. Every summer, he took my brothers and me fishing on Cowboy Lake and taught us how to scale, fillet, and fry our catch. Losing Grandpa pained my siblings and me. Still, this didn’t fully prepare us for the following spring.
One year later, a young man murdered my favorite uncle. I still remember where I was standing when my mom told me how Dad and the police found his body. By favorite, I mean Uncle Denny was the uncle we were closest to. We loved all our aunts and uncles, but we had a closer connection with him for two reasons. First, he lived only fifteen minutes from our house, so we saw him more often. Second, his wife died in a motorcycle accident after only one year of marriage, so Uncle Denny found affection and a break from loneliness by coming to our house on major holidays. Every Christmas, for example, he would join us for dinner. Later, after he went home, Mom would pass out the envelopes he had slipped to her privately, each containing a crisp $20 bill. Believe me, to a kid in the 1970s, that was big money! Losing our uncle was painful, but the manner of his death heightened our loss.
No matter how death enters our lives, it’s hard to lose those we love. There is often shock and tears. But God mediates His comfort to us through three essential pathways.
Comfort from the Triune God
Several years after the deaths of my grandfather and uncle, I came to know Jesus through a home Bible study in the Gospel of John. Since I grew up in a religion that taught salvation by good works and religious rituals, I didn’t understand how God freely offered salvation to me through the finished work of Jesus. I’m forever grateful to the Lord for opening my eyes to my need to repent, to turn from my sin and faith in my good works and turn to Christ in humble faith to receive the gracious gift of God (Eph. 2:8-9). Later, by sitting under biblical teaching and experiencing God’s grace mediated through His people, I began confidently tapping into the comfort of God in Christ. Therefore, I want to come alongside you in your time of suffering to convey key biblical truths that I have learned, which will bring you comfort and eternal perspective.
The Bible tells us that God is Trinitarian: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, and all three persons of the godhead go to work for His children when you suffer. Therefore, when grief overshadows your soul; you can run to God for help and comfort. As mentioned in the last chapter, the heavenly Father knows all your needs and is aware of every loss you go through in this broken world (Matt. 6:8, 32). Also, the Son of God is your compassionate High Priest who understands human weakness and prays for you at the right hand of God (Heb. 4:14-16; 7:25). And, in Christ, the Holy Spirit becomes your helper who unites you to Jesus by faith and prays for you, especially when the hurt and confusion are so raw that you don’t know what to say (Rom. 8:26-27). Yet, God has provided an even more tangible means of comfort—His people. Fellow Christians may serve as God-with-skin-on, in the sense that they administer His grace to us in tangible ways.
Comfort from the Family of God
God never intended for any of us to go through life’s challenges alone. As the Father, Son, and Spirit have enjoyed perfect fellowship from eternity, so they created us in their image and for relationship.
Before they rebelled, Adam and Eve walked with God in perfect harmony, but sin disrupted that peaceful relationship. So, the Creator implemented His plan to resolve the root problem humanity caused. The Creator became the Redeemer, and God became man in the person of Jesus Christ. Through faith, Jesus reconciles us to God (Col. 1:22). This means He alone bridges the infinite chasm between us and God—a chasm created by our sin—and He brings us back to God (1 Pet. 3:18). But the Spirit also immerses us in the body of Christ; He secures for us a relationship with all believers everywhere (1 Cor. 12:13). God adopts us into His family (Eph. 1:5).
What does all this mean? It means we need each other. It means you don’t have to go it alone. Why? God created you for relationship. First, He designed you for a relationship with Himself. Second, when you know the Lord through faith in Jesus, you become part of a spiritual family whose members are called to comfort one another (2 Cor 1:3-5). This comfort finds its simplest and most beautiful expression in the familial relationships in the local church. In the family of God, you can experience soul satisfying comfort from brothers and sisters committed to doing life with you.
Comfort from the Word of God
One of the chief means by which the Spirit comforts your heart is the truth of Scripture.
For example, the psalmist testifies, ‘He sent His word and healed them’ (Ps.107:20). Since the Holy Spirit is the member of the Trinity who breathed out the thoughts of God to men, who then recorded them in Scripture (2 Tim. 3:16; 2 Pet. 1:21; 1 Cor. 2:11-13), He employs these same words to apply healing truth to your broken heart. The Spirit illumines your mind and shines light on the promises of God and their application to your various trials.
Jesus assures us of this confidence as well. After Jesus informs the disciples that He will leave them; they express much grief. In response, Jesus promises to send another helper, the Spirit of truth, who will remind them of what He taught and bring peace to their hearts (John 16:12-14). As a follower of Jesus, the Spirit’s never-ending presence strengthens you and delivers the comfort of God’s healing words. Scripture is a medicinal balm to the pain of grief and will strengthen your trust in God.
Regardless of the various depths of pain and the kinds of loss you may endure in this life, God will meet you in your grief. Through Scripture and His people, God will comfort your heart and nurture your faith.
For Further Help and Reflection
- What emotions did you experience when you first received news of a significant loss? If considerable time has passed since then, how are your emotions different now?
- What ways have people helped you work through your grief?
- Are there any Scriptures that have been especially comforting?
*This article is an excerpt from the new Track series book, A Student’s Guide to Grief.
